Status:
Currently 2,397 miles driving or 2,041 as the crow flies from Blanding, UT to Redbones BBQ.
Day 7:
I've decided that I'm no worse than Star Wars. In fact, I'm better. So I'm going to skip days zero through six and write about seven. That is today, Thursday April 25th. Will come back to the other ones later. You have to read this whole blog post constantly scrolling downwards to provide the proper effect. In a state far far away, in a completely different timezone...
CANYONS!
Lots and lots of canyons. Utah is basically an old sandy sea bed packed down super tight, so the rock is all very weak. A little bit of rain, a river forms, a few million years and BAM, canyon. Utah residents also seem to use this technique to build (or not build) roads. They don't actually build any roads, they just wait for a few million years for a river to tunnel through a mountain, and then they slap a highway next to it. This leads to trouble. It creates very windy (curvy) roads without barriers and shoulders where you drop hundreds of feet if you get distracted gazing at the invariably incredible view that is constantly forced upon you. It probably makes it easy to spot tourists. You just look for them at the bottoms of canyons.
The day started pretty uneventfully at Craft Creek Campground. That's in the Escalante Grand Staircase National Monument region for the uninitiated. Generally I don't sleep well until the sun comes up, and when the desert finally warms up to a toasty 32F, I get an extra solid hour or two. Turns out sweat and condensation is what makes you cold, so wearing wicking layers on both legs and torso helps a lot. This morning decided to forgo the daily dose of oatmeal and just visit the uncommonly awesome and warm coffee shop a 15 minute drive away and just on the other side of this:
In these little towns (5-6 buildings) the majority of the patrons in the store are constantly telling the owner that some relative of either one of them is waiting for either party to drop off some livestock at the other person's farm. In fact during coffee this morning, I overheard a conversation about the various chores that the people in town apparently split amongst themselves. And to make it clear how obvious the point she was making is, one of the patrons looked at me and said "Now a cow that needs to be milked, that cannot be denied, right?". To translate: means that is a chore that cannot be postponed or deprioritized because fluid dynamics being what it is makes unmilked cows very unhappy. I agreed with some confidence mostly based on intuition that, indeed, unmilked cows is not a thing one is likely to want to deny.
The next few hours I drove over Boulder Mountain, roughly 9300 feet in elevation. Snow drifts, white birch tree and elm forests. From the top, you see Escalante Grand Staircase:
And like any other part of Utah it is riddled with canyons and flash flood warning signs.
Monocline:
On one side...
On the other.
It looked like it was about to rain so I got sketched out from all the flash flood stories and stopped hiking in washes. But not before: MOUNTAIN GOATS.
I decided to end the day by driving the unpaved road just east of Capitol Reef NP as far south as I can take it. I started the drive roughly 5pm, and as it turns out it was the perfect time because of the beautiful sun angle But before I continue, let me just say this. Paved roads are massively under-appreciated Paved roads are amazing. Next time you are driving on one, (unless it's in Boston), stop to appreciate its uncanny smoothness. The way it doesn't seem to rattle your car to bits while dropping your wheels into massive potholes.
This drive was probably the prettiest drive I have ever done. In fact, it was so amazing my current attitude towards Utah is best captured by a Flight of the Conchords song (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LF_KaUcVLvY). I mean, what the hell Utah. It throws all these insane views at you that nobody has any time to hike. And then, the second you think you've adjusted to the level of awesome you are now being presented with, it one ups itself at the next turn. Basically the entire time the emotion you're feeling is "Fuck...when am I going to have time for all this". And I haven't even seen the better more famous parts of southern Utah yet. They're clever these guys. They put all the pretty good stuff in National Parks, but all of the really mind-blowing stuff I've seen actually hasn't been in national parks. It's on roads like this, well away from the prying eyes of tourists. I'm on to you Utah.
It was spectacular, and pictures don't even begin to do it justice, because you are surrounded on all sides by epic landscape. What's more is that you feel you are completely alone. I saw about 1 car an hour the entire time I was on the road, it seems like this isn't a commonly driven or known place. So I strongly recommend following Notom Bullfrog Basin Rd from route 24 all the way south (I have GPS tracks I'll post later for everything, just don't want to take the time now). However, I had a 4WD low-clearance Subaru. I would suggest something also all wheel drive, but with higher clearance. Like a horse. Or if you have it, a helicopter. I think the civil engineer in charge probably envisioned helicopters being the primary mode of transport down that roadway, and designed the road accordingly. The second you think the road has finally gotten OK, and you briefly glance at the incredibly alien landscape unfolding ahead and behind you, a huge pothole or stone brings you back to reality. Finally, when you think you've seen it all and can drive on any unpaved roads in your sleep, they start throwing streams and washes at you. The whole countryside is criss-crossed with little canyons and washes made by flash floods. The road winds around the big ones and goes right over the small ones. Bottom of every hill is an axle destroying, tire eating little mini canyon a foot or two deep. Also traction control really helps make it seem like a rally race you're going to win rather than die in.
As you drive you keep seeing newer and newer shapes and colors that just don't make any sense. I'm going to throw a bunch of pictures at you because that's how Utah threw it at me.
You can see the road winding far below.
In the end: Victory!
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