What's Google Like?
So, this is a long delayed post about what is it like to be at Google. Please note, that everything here is absolutely and unquestionably true, although somewhat biased, exaggerated, and glorified, Google has its secrets. I will disclose only that which is available for public domain.
That said, I arrived to Google for the first time on a limo. Now, don't let the image run away with you. It wasn't a long black Lincoln or Cadillac sedan filled with attractive women sporting Google paraphernalia. It was a limo bus filled with sleepy but determined engineers, ready to face yet another grueling day at the Google utopia. Since it is a shuttle, it deserves a description. Comfy leather chairs, tables if you want them, free wifi.
Having arrived at the Googleplex, (refer to Google Earth and Google Maps Street Views for pictures of the area until I get them), I had my first breakfast at a Google cafeteria. The variability of food is initially staggering. So is the realization that this food is completely free of charge. Biology has always taught us that there is no free lunch. This great rule of nature is broken thrice a day at Google by thousands of employees.
It is suddenly difficult to chose. Mounds of organic strawberries, peaches, eggs, smoked salmon (!), yogurt, deserts, the list goes on and on. Every morning, Google personnel are expected to make choices, and pick some subset of all the available meals. Since we were not yet Google personnel, we opted not to make any choices, and took everything. It was rather quite good.
Breakfast was followed by orientation, which was not particularly interesting, it was marked by one event. Watching a close to real time list of searches being entered into Google around the world displayed on a projector (of course a very heavily filtered list since it is seen by all), we saw the search string “does pulling out help.” Satisfied by the anonymous searcher's ignorance, my particular group of interns of which I was part went to stand closer to the rather popular Naked Juice fridge, and chat there instead.
Ah, the fridges. A hungry Google engineer (an as of yet undocumented phenomenon), walking down a hallway is likely to come upon one of the fridges that are densely sprinkled around campus. This fridge will contain some of the fanciest and most refreshing drinks that money can buy. Said Google engineer can grab himself a bottle of Smartwater(tm), one of ten flavors of vitamin water, tea of all colors and textures, Naked Juice(tm), etc etc etc. Continuing down the hallway, a much heavier bag slapping against his hip, the engineer will suddenly come upon a mini kitchen. Upon arrival to this mini-utopia, the engineer will forget his recently acquired mini-stash of liquids. He would now rather stuff his laptop bag with organic strawberries, roasted almonds, sushi, chocolates, cookies, all of the highest quality. All of these items are confusingly available completely free of charge. Although these two events are enough to instill fear into most engineers, the now somewhat less hungry Google engineer marches on, determined to reach the bottom of this mystery.
Further exploration of the mini kitchen unveils a huge espresso machine, milk steamer, and time machine, all conveniently packed into a tiny container the size of a small dresser. In case the engineer would courageously decide to use this machine, pre-warmed mugs are conveniently placed on top. Nearby, a large row of organic gourmet teas are provided. Having found no answer for the riddle surrounding this haven of free food, the engineer trudges on.
Having had his first lunch in a largish cafeteria, where scallops were served in a sauce that had more ingredients than can be bit packed into one's unaccustomed head, aside from tens of other dishes, the engineer suddenly feels a primal urge to complete of nature's most common cycles. Finding the men's bathroom, the engineer is filled with a sense of familiarity and home. In this wild land, there is always one technology that never changes. However, it seems that Google waits in the most unlikely of places. The toilet seat is blistering with wires like an EKG patient. Gingerly sitting down on this toilet that is doubtlessly infused with MRI capabilities, the patient is surprised to feel warmth. Yes, warmth. Google has somehow done away with one of the most ancient and basest of all human acts. The wince from the cold porcelain surface. The feeling is unnatural, but welcome. However, the good comes with the bad. Next to the main user interface on which the engineer is sitting, is a smallish white command center filled with buttons with pictures depicting a number of startling and discomforting scenes. The conclusion is that having pressed a button, the toilet will immediately and without warning reproduce whatever it is the button shows. This is an unhappy thought, as words like pressure, rear, front, deodorizing, wand, and temperature play key roles on the buttons. Deciding not to tempt fate, and therefore using all the most default of options, the engineer leaves, alienated even from that which was once intimate and familiar.
The next few days the engineer spends attempting to sort out the strange new world he has become immersed in. Free meals three times a day, ranging from salmons cooked in a number of ingenious ways, to crepes, delicately designed rather than prepared. Haircuts, oil changes, equipment, pool tables, massages, smoothies, motorized scooters, laundry service, are all available, mostly free of charge, and of the highest quality.
Having a weekend to sort one's thoughts, constantly meditating on Google's ruthless treatment of its employees with a barrage of free high quality products, the engineer begins to understand. Sitting at his desk, there is absolutely no doubt in his mind, that whatever he might want, it is not only free, it is often no more than fifteen feet from his desk. There is simply nothing left to seek, nothing left to want. All that one has to do is work. All is provided for him. Suddenly, one feels no desire to go home. Home is filled with objects one has paid for, things that are not infinite, of mediocre quality, and things that once consumed or used, will soon run out and disappear. It is now 11:52pm here, and yet I would rather stay and work, doing so happily, and of my own accord. Approximately 5-10% of all employees are still here, some of whom are full time. Google magic seems to work.
This is a light summary of the initial Google experience, for those interested, as I remember it.
